Here is an example that I’m making up on the spot, so it’s going to be a bit rough, but it works. We’ll call this “The Very Bad Birthday.” Note: What follows IS a sort of outline for a story. It’s long, and for that I apologize, but stories are long and complicated!
Note: The events that occur at the various plot and pinch points don’t happen in 1% of the story. Typically whatever happens at a plot or pinch point carries out over the next 12% of the story and leads to the next plot or pinch point.
Marcia wants to be a good mom, and it’s her only child Eliza’s birthday, and her daughter loves chocolate chip pancakes. Marcia believes, however, that she’s not a good mom because she just got a divorce, and her ex-husband Bob accused her of neglecting their daughter. He has 50% custody and wants to hurt Marcia by getting full custody. Marcia Wants to prove him wrong by spoiling the heck out of Eliza by getting Eliza everything Marcia thinks Eliza wants, even if it means causing long-term problems for Eliza. She Needs to give Eliza what Eliza actually needs: time and attention.
Story begins: Marcia wakes up and remembers that it’s Eliza’s birthday. She goes to the kitchen to make the pancakes, but (hook) there are no chocolate chips. Oh no! Eliza is still asleep, and the grocery store just opened, so Eliza jumps in her car to go shop for chocolate chips.
Plot
Cause: birthday pancakes need to be made. Problem: No chocolate chips. Effect: Off to the store.
Character
Cause: It’s Eliza’s birthday and Marcia has been accused of being neglectful. Problem: Marcia is overcompensating. Effect: Marcia goes off to the store to get chocolate chips, leaving Eliza at home alone.
Inciting Event (12.5%) The store is out of chocolate chips. This is a problem that leads to the rest of the story, but Marcia could, at this point, accept that they’re out, go home, and make cinnamon rolls. She doesn’t.
Plot
Cause: The store is out of chocolate chips. Problem: Her daughter will hate her and her ex might be right about her. Effect: She gets back into her car and races off to another store.
Character
Cause: Marcia needs those chips! Problem: Marcia is anxious and worried, and therefore distracted. Effect: She isn’t watching where she’s going.
First Plot Point (25%) Marcia runs a red light at 30 mph and plows into another car, causing a massive intersection accident. Marcia is injured and she can’t go back to being uninjured. This is the Point of No Return. The accident was caused by Marcia’s Inner Wound and her Need to be a good parent by spoiling her child. Again, she isn’t there for Eliza, which is what Eliza actually needs.
Plot
Cause: Marcia has destroyed her car, broken two ribs and her right femur (thigh), and hit her head on the steering wheel, giving her a mild concussion. In addition, she’s destroyed another car, caused a massive problem for the police and other drivers, and has mildly injured the driver of the other car. Problem: She’s too badly injured to return home and care for Eliza, who should be waking up soon. Effect: She is taken to the hospital and, on the way, calls her best friend Jennifer to go wait for Eliza to wake up.
Character
Cause: Marcia is overcome with pain and trauma, which quickly turns into more fear and anxiety. Problem: will she lose custody of Eliza? Her ex is going to make much of the fact that she left Eliza home alone. Effect: Marcia’s fear, anxiety, pain, and disorientation make her a combative patient, slowing the medical care she receives.
First Pinch Point (37%) Jennifer can’t stay with Eliza for long because she must go pick up her elderly mother from the nursing home; they’re kicking her mother out. When Marcia tells her just how bad her injuries are, reluctantly, Jennifer calls Marcia’s ex, Bob, to go take care of Eliza. (The villain makes an appearance.) Eliza is still asleep when Jennifer leaves.
Plot
Cause: Marcia has cursed out several nurses and doctors and is insisting that they throw an air cast on her leg and give her some crutches so that she can go home to Eliza. Problem: Social services finds out that Eliza is home alone and the hospital is having none of Marcia’s attitude. They flat refuse to air cast her and override her decision to go home, stating that the concussion has made her unable to make good medical decisions, plus she has no one to pick her up. Effect: They 5150 her (hold her against her will for her own safety).
Character
Cause: Marcia is now stuck at the hospital, unable to advocate for herself, and is totally at the mercy of the hospital staff. Jennifer has called her to let her know that Bob is on his way to care for Eliza. Marcia feels betrayed by Jennifer and is extremely worried she’ll lose custody. She resolves to do anything she can to show Eliza (and Bob) that she loves the girl and is thinking of her. She pulls out her phone and makes an extremely unwise decision, given their limited finances and her physical condition: she buys Eliza a four-day pass to Disneyland, complete with Disney hotel reservations. Eliza has been wanting to go for her whole life, and Marcia purchases a huge Disney Princess-style package for the eight-year-old. (I have no idea if this is possible, but it’s fiction; go with it.) Immediately following that, Bob calls from her home and yells at her for leaving Eliza alone. Problem: Marcia can’t afford the trip, and the purchase has done nothing to actually care for Eliza’s immediate needs. Plus Bob may get custody. Effect: Marcia bursts into tears, overcome and overwhelmed, and the social workers at the hospital agree she must be kept longer than 72 hours.
Midpoint (50%) Marcia’s hospital roommate Ruth, a crusty old sort who dislikes dramatics, takes Marcia to task after Marcia is sedated. Ruth explains that Marcia needs to slow down because she has a head injury and is under a lot of painkillers. Marcia tells Ruth how scared she is of losing custody, and Ruth tells Marcia to pull her head out of her rear end. Marcia realizes that she needs to be present and involved in Eliza’s life in a reasonable fashion, not shower her with gifts that bankrupt her or put her in the hospital. In order to be there for Eliza, Marcia must get out of the hospital, which means changing her tack.
Plot
Cause: She calms down and makes a concerted effort to be nice to the nurses, even though she’s still anxious and scared. She apologizes. She lets the medical staff care for her. She involves the social workers and asks for help. Problem: The hospital staff doesn’t trust her, and she’s badly injured so she can’t just go home the next day. She’s still on at least a 72-hour hold. Effect: Marcia must live with the consequences of her actions despite doing the right thing. She stays at the hospital.
Character
Cause: Marcia now wants to pursue her Need, not her Want. She asks for some anti-anxiety medication and receives a safe dosage. She talks to Ruth some more and gets more good advice on how she should proceed. She calls Bob and asks if he’ll let her talk to Eliza. Problem: Bob is very angry at Marcia and will not allow her to talk to Eliza. Bob is taking Eliza out for breakfast for her birthday and doesn’t want Marcia to interrupt them. He believes that if Eliza knows that Marcia is in the hospital, Eliza’s birthday will be ruined, so he wants the girl to have a happy few hours before he has to tell her. Problem: Although Marcia is trying to do the right thing, it’s not working, and the temptation to backslide into panic is strong. Marcia considers whether she should tell Eliza about the Disney package, which she is now trying to return. If she tells Eliza, maybe Eliza will want to stay with her. Maybe that’s worth bankruptcy. Effect: Marcia decides to keep trying to return the Disney package and be patient regarding getting out of the hospital and reuniting with her daughter.
Second Pinch Point (62%) Eliza and Bob run into Jennifer and her mother at Eliza’s favorite breakfast spot, and Jennifer, who doesn’t know that Bob hasn’t told Eliza, asks Eliza how her mother’s doing in the hospital. Eliza freaks out. Bob yells at Jennifer, who retreats. Eliza wants to go see Marcia in the hospital, but Bob insists they finish breakfast, stating (accurately) that Marcia is probably not able to see visitors at the moment. After breakfast, Bob again refuses to take Eliza to the hospital. Instead they return to Eliza’s home and gather her belongings for an extended stay at his house.
Plot
Cause: Eliza is very unhappy, and resolves to steal her dad’s phone and call the hospital as soon as she can. Meanwhile, Bob starts to research how to gain full custody as, to his way of thinking, Marcia is not only unfit to have custody but physically incapable of caring for Eliza. He calls Marcia and tells her this, and that Eliza knows, is very upset, and Marcia has ruined her birthday. Jennifer is horrified at the part she has unintentionally played in screwing up Marcia’s life and wants to do something to fix things, though she still has to take care of her mother. Marcia is told by the doctors that she is not going to need surgery, but will be in a cast up to her hip and will need six weeks to recover. The headache from her concussion has decreased due to rest and painkillers, and the painkillers are starting to hit that sweet spot between getting her really high and decreasing to the point where she is overwhelmed with pain. Problem: Marcia is trying to do the right thing, but she doesn’t know how she’s going to prove to a judge that she is capable of caring for Eliza at the moment or over the next several months. Effect: Everyone is planning at cross-purposes with someone else involved in the plot, but Marcia is able to get Ruth and a social worker to help her return the Disney package through a number of phone calls and faxed medical records and doctor diagnoses.
Character
Cause: Marcia begins to feel that she is getting a handle on the situation and may be able to show a judge that she has at least begun to address the issue of neglect. She tells the social workers that Bob has 50% custody and that she knows that Eliza is in Bob’s company and is safe, but she would like to see her daughter as soon as she can, and would they contact Bob to let him know this? She is making the attempt to proactively be there for her daughter. Problem: She’s still in the ER; it’s not even lunch time, and she is still stuck in the situation of trying to do the right thing but seeing absolutely no return on her investment, so she isn’t certain if she’s on the wrong track. Plus the pain is starting to get to her as the painkillers wear off. Effect: She begins to wonder if she’s doing the right thing. She is still resolved on her course, but she begins to really believe she’ll lose Eliza. She isn’t panicking, but she’s becoming depressed.
Third plot point (75%) Eliza can’t get to her dad’s cell phone because he’s having a long conversation with his lawyer, so she’s unhappy. She knows he’s trying to get full custody and he wants to keep her and Marcia apart, and she doesn’t want this. Meanwhile, Jennifer’s mother is having Strong Opinions about Marcia and, by extension, Jennifer, which is making Jennifer miserable, but she can’t leave her mother because her mother has nowhere else to stay. Bob wants to do right by Eliza, whom he loves, but taking his daughter full-time is going to cost him a lot of money, and he won’t get child support from Marcia because she’s broke. Not only that, Bob travels a lot for work. So far he’s been able to travel in the weeks he doesn’t have Eliza, but that will have to change. He’s frustrated, angry, and very worried. Marcia’s depression is roaring ahead and she is beginning to think that she’s a terrible mom, that Eliza hates her (she hasn’t heard from Eliza at all), and that she has completely destroyed Eliza’s birthday. She begins to believe that Eliza would be better off with Bob, and that the selfless thing to do for her daughter is to let her go. It’s the Dark Night of Everyone’s Souls.
Plot
Cause: Jennifer calls Marcia and Marcia dumps all of her fears and depression on her. Jennifer is horrified that Marcia and Eliza haven’t been able to talk when Jennifer knows they both want to talk to each other. She takes her mom and goes over to Bob’s house and has a row with him on the front step. Eliza hears the fight, goes down to the front door, and quietly but firmly insists that she get to talk to her mom. Problem: Bob is entirely against Eliza talking to Marcia because he knows Marcia’s probably on painkillers and he worries that Eliza won’t understand that Marcia can’t take care of her. He honestly believes Marcia is incapable of caring for Eliza and will neglect Eliza forever. Effect: Jennifer calls Marcia on the spot and hands her cell phone to Eliza. Bob tries to intercept the phone, but Eliza tells Bob that if she can’t talk to her mom, he will have ruined her birthday. Eliza connects with Marcia.
Character
Cause: Marcia has made up a nice bed for herself in the Pit of Despair. When Jennifer calls, Marcia tells Jennifer everything that’s happening and begins to talk about giving up on Eliza, though she desperately loves her daughter. She relates that the best thing she can do for Eliza is let her go. Jennifer thinks this is crap because, even though Marcia is fooling herself over spoiling Eliza, the two obviously love one another. Jennifer tells Marcia that. Once Jennifer is off the phone, Ruth reiterates it before Ruth is wheeled out for her cardiac stent. Marcia still believes that retaining custody of Eliza is selfish, but decides to really talk to Eliza about what Eliza wants, to listen to her daughter and be there for her. Problem: The pain is really starting to get to Marcia, which makes it significantly harder for her to think straight and which is clouding her feelings and making her tired. Effect: When Jennifer calls, Marcia almost doesn’t pick up, but changes her mind on the fifth ring, right before voicemail.
Climax (88%) Eliza and Marcia talk to each other on the phone. Marcia apologizes for landing herself in the hospital and not being there for Eliza. She says she was trying to give Eliza everything she thought the girl wanted in order to show Eliza she was a good and thoughtful mother. Eliza said what she really wanted was to spend time with her mom, and asks if she can come see Marcia in the hospital. Marcia believes she should say no–a hospital isn’t a great place for a child, and at any moment Marcia might be whisked away for some medical reason–but she says she would love to see Eliza more than anything, if that’s what Eliza wants. Jennifer, Bob, Eliza, and Jennifer’s mom drive to the hospital (in two cars). Jennifer and her mom wait in the waiting room while Bob and Eliza go visit Marcia–Jennifer watching so she can ensure that Bob does take Eliza to visit her mom. The three of them talk, and Eliza states that she loves both her parents and doesn’t want to belong only to one parent, that she likes the custody arrangement as it is. Marcia explains again, for Bob’s benefit too, that she was just trying to be the best mom she could be, and that Bob had really scared her by calling her negligent, which pushed her into trying to spoil Eliza. Bob is moved by Eliza’s genuine desire to stay half-time with her mother because he loves Eliza and is trying to do best by her. Marcia promises that she will no longer try to spoil Eliza by doing things that seem like a good idea, but are not, and will try to get a handle on her anxiety. A social worker is listening in and becomes convinced that Marcia is no longer a danger to herself or her daughter and decides to cancel the 5150. Although Marcia has to stay in the hospital for a bit, and therefore Eliza will be living with Bob for the next 4-6 weeks, Bob will drop the custodial challenge and Eliza will get to go home to live with Marcia again once she’s released.
No problems. Conflict is concluded. Cause and effect sequence is done.
Resolution (98%) Bob and Eliza pick up Marcia when she’s discharged. They all go home together. Marcia and Eliza are thrilled and plan a sleepover with popcorn and their favorite DVDs. Bob goes home, convinced that his daughter is in good hands. The end.